


The Critic in the Quattro

by savvyliterate



Category: Ashes to Ashes
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-08
Updated: 2012-09-08
Packaged: 2017-11-13 19:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/507039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savvyliterate/pseuds/savvyliterate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Never speak ill about how a man treats his Quattro. Especially when that man is Gene Hunt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Critic in the Quattro

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lion_Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lion_Heart/gifts).



> I really blame Kristi for this. Her offhand remark on Twitter started this fic. It's set during late series 1 or series 2, whichever your mind places it in.

Gene Hunt would rue the day Shaz Granger sat in the backseat of his Quattro.

"I'm kind of bored," she admitted to Chris, as they lingered in sticky slow London traffic that Gene longed with every fibre of his being that he could plow through. But, no. Bolly-kecks had to complain about being a safe, considerate driver, and she'd seen him try to burn those speeding tickets when he thought he'd been alone in the squad room.

"We'll be there in a bit, Shaz," Alex soothed from her place in the front seat, where Gene was alternating between watching traffic and watching the skirt ride up her legs. Every time she tugged it back into place was a minor loss. He absently wondered if he knew that there were times he could see the color knickers she wore if her legs were positioned just so while wearing a skirt. He had a bet against himself about today's colors. If he won, he celebrated. If he didn't win, he still _celebrated_. OK, he _celebrated_ Alex Drake any chance he could get. Only he knew, right? Right.

"There's some papers back here," Shaz continued, leaning over to scoop up a few aging pieces of paper and a magazine. She idly paged through it, and Gene craned his head, checking the rearview mirror just to make sure Shaz hadn't picked up a _celebration_ magazine. But, no, it was a car one. He returned to grumbling over traffic and wondered if the alley they were inching by was big enough to handle the Quattro. Maybe. With a couple inches to spare. He started to gauge the chances of a Drake lecture. Well, if it would help that skirt ride up higher …

"Guv, did you really pay this much for the Quattro?" Shaz suddenly asked, looking up from the magazine.

"Let me see," Chris said, peering over Shaz's shoulder. "That's more than I make."

"That's more than double what we make together," she replied.

"Let me see," Alex said crisply. Shaz handed the magazine over, and Alex winged an eyebrow. "Really, that is an exorbitant price to pay for a car, Guv. Especially with the way you treat it."

"And just what is wrong with how I treat my car, Drake?" Gene growled.

"Well, just look at it. It's all scuffed up from when we were chasing that burglar last week, and I think you go through a set of brakes every three days. The way you abuse the engine vastly shortens the lifespan of the car by at least a decade, if not longer. These things are built to last, Guv, if you would only take care of them." Alex lovingly patted the console. "I have it on good authority that if kept in decent shape, this car could easily be worth double what you paid for it."

"Cars are made to be driven, Bolly-kecks. Much like a good woman. Since I happen to be lacking in the second department at the moment, I'm taking advantage of the first."

"Well, if you treat women the way you treat the Quattro, I can certainly see why there would be issues," Alex retorted.

"She's got a point, Guv," Shaz said.

Chris suddenly found the traffic very fascinating.

"If you're so critical of my driving, Drake, you can just get out and take a lorry," Gene said in a very nice and reasonable tone. Really, his yelling could only be heard in Oxford. If he'd been annoyed, the bloody Scousers would be cowering in Liverpool.

"In your own way, you're a very safe driver. We've just yet to see it. Now, I think it's time you take the Quattro in for a good tune-up, and try easing up on the gas. You'll get so much better mileage, and …"

Five minutes later, Alex, Shaz, and Chris stood on the pavement, watching as Gene roared away down an alley, leaving them behind.

"He is scraping paint from the car," Alex said with a sigh. 

"You were only telling the truth, ma'am."

"I don't see why he put me out too." Chris hung his head and toed at the pavement.

"Chin up, Chris. We'll get to the crime scene before the Guv."

"How, ma'am?"

"Use your brain." Alex shook back her curls and squared her shoulders. "I'm about to set feminism back at least 15 years." She marched out to the curb and flashed her leg. Two taxis immediately squealed to a halt.

They arrived at the crime scene a good 23 minutes before Gene. Alex smirked at him for the next week. He never told her that only gave him more incentive to _celebrate_.


End file.
